Family and friends, relieved that it’s over are usually more than ready to get back to whatever normal was before your diagnosis. Breast Cancer Walk Philadelphia But like all heroines who are forced to fight battles in unknown lands, you have returned from your journey changed. While the physical geography of your outside world hasn’t changed, your interior landscape has.
Because of your cancer experience, you now know as never before how precious life is. And it begs the question: how do you want to spend the rest of your life? If you’re like many survivors, the answer is “thoughtfully.” Some of the women I work with following a cancer diagnosis turn their lives upside down, while others discover that their lives are exactly as they want them. Still others adjust certain areas of their lives, to find more fulfillment. But almost all of them, in my experience as a life, business and results coach, use their diagnosis as an opportunity to examine their lives. They look at what is working, what isn’t and begin navigating the next stage of their heroine’s journey.
What’s behind all this? A cancer diagnosis, or any life threatening illness is often re-orienting and can bring about a massive change of priorities. It raises questions about what really matters to the survivor, which may or may not be different than to the person they were b.c. (before cancer). A cancer diagnosis, or any life threatening illness can:
-Raise questions about the meaning of life and tests the bonds of relationships.
-Bring an end to a phase of life.
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-Provide survivors with an opportunity to learn why they are here and what and who really matters.
-Serve as a wakeup call to examine what has been resisted and;
-Give survivors permission to shift their priorities. They may see the truth of what matters, who matters, and what they have been doing with their lives.
Having asked these questions, what can survivors do to enhance the quality of their lives and to live it more authentically, on their terms? The first place to start is with your level of satisfaction with your life. Because this is an article and not a coaching session, I won’t outline all of the steps you could take if you chose to make some adjustments. Instead, I’ll will focus on eliminating what you don’t want so there is more room for what you do want.
A coaching tool called the wheel of life is the place to begin. Divide a circle into eight pie-shaped segments: friends and family; significant other/romance; fun and recreation; health, money; personal growth; physical environment and career. Rank your satisfaction score in each area on a scale of 1-10. Now with a snapshot of where you are today, and using a “realistic magic wand,” write down where you’d like to be in each of the areas you’d like to improve. The more detail, the better.
Now write down all the things that are stressing you out in that area: be it your job, friends, family, your physical environment or even yourself. By writing them down, you increase your awareness about what’s irritating you. There are two ways to tackle irritations; both will make you feel more empowered. You can determine the actions and requests needed to eliminate these irritants from your life. This can be as simple as telling the truth. Or you can accept the reality of the situation, let go of trying to control it, or them, and focus on something more rewarding.
Another issue to look at is time. What are your personal time wasters? Long phone conversations, television or the Internet? Write a list of the activities that eat into your time and promise yourself you won’t indulge in them for more than an hour a day. You will be amazed at how much free time you suddenly have available.
How strong are your boundaries in the area you’d like to see improvement in? If you’re spending too much time doing things you don’t want to do, it’s probably time to drop “the disease to please,” and raise some personal boundaries. If your boundaries are poorly defined, it’s more likely that you’ll attract people who think it’s OK to expect or demand something from you. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. By being clear about your boundaries, you’ll regain control of your life and show others how much you value yourself.
Making these simple changes can create a life that looks and feels different and most importantly, suits you better. Why is this important? Because, as I said at the beginning of this article, you now know as never before how precious life is. As the poet Mary Oliver asks in one of her poems, “What do you plan to do with this one wild and precious life?”
Kathy Santini is a 10-year cancer survivor who is a life, business and results coach and the owner of Arbutus Coaching. She is the author of the e-book: Live Your Best Life Now! The Cancer Survivor’s Guide to Creating a Happy and Meaningful Life, holds workshops for cancer survivors across North America and is a popular guest on radio and news programs. Some of the things Kathy has done in living her happy and meaningful life after cancer include: doing humanitarian work in Sierra Leone, building a house, nursing her dying mother at home during the last week of her life, working in a war zone in Kabul, Afghanistan as an editor and creating a successful coaching business.
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