Q&A: how do i leave my common law husband after 21 years?
Question by figaro’s mom: how do i leave my common law husband after 21 years?
emotional abuse, infidelity, substance and alcoholism. we bring out the worst in each other. i am a recovering alcoholic with my first year truly living sober in one month. i had the support of counselling and out patient rehabilitation therapy. for the first time in my life, i have seen all kinds of life’s scenarios with a different perspective. unfortunately, i have realized that the relationship i am in fit well with being an alcoholic and a co-dependent person because we both had the right toxic cocktail approach to a relationship. i thought everything was my fault, end of story and have since realized there is so much more beneath the surface. i am still so scared to be on my own even if it means that i will grow. i am one year away from being 50. i still feel unlovable and disgusting, even though intellectually i know that is my disease talking to me. sometimes i still wish i could just “end it all” but realize that as another escape mechanism, like booze. he’s a drug user too, but he insists that pot is good for you. i dont agree. i feel so confused and sad.
Best answer:
Answer by Xexx M
Hardest part is walking out the door. It gets easier from there.
Give your answer to this question below!
July 28th, 2010 at 12:14 am
Walk out the front door, go out the back door, or get in your car and drive out of the garage.
July 28th, 2010 at 1:09 am
This is where you find out how strong and tough you are. What do you have to show for all of those years.
You are still young and can make the rest of your life what you want it to be, and you can have a great
life experience doing it. Many of us are widowed at or younger than you are and had to start over again.
The last part of your life will show you how much you wish you would have left ages ago. Drugs & alcolol
ruin lives. Leave it behind and become a new person.
July 28th, 2010 at 1:40 am
Just leave him
July 28th, 2010 at 1:45 am
awwwh babey sounds like your really hurting
it sounds like youve been thorugh alot,a nd you really need some support rite now, weather taht be from a friend of family, and you need to be awaay from this man that is making you even worse in your condition.
is there anyone you coudl stay with? friends ? family? preferably peopel he doesnt know who and where they are x
(btw im 14, never been married but here is my shot at advice lol, sorry im so rubbish xx)
i woudl suggest wile he is out pack a case. put your clothes,s tuff you need, very precios belongiings init and anything you think you shoudl take. find somsone you can stay with, and get them to pick up yuour case wile your partner is out. wen he comesback tell him your leaving him, just say it, and your reasons and go. he will probs be too shocked to run after you. then walk to somewhere your firend can pick you up from and go to their house for a while.
or you coudl jsut leave him anote and tell him to meet yous oemwhere the in a week so you can talk. meet somewhere public so he wont shout at you or hit you or anuything,a nd have your firend ready to pick you up in the car parck or across the road x
i hope its okey and yoru alright xxxxxx
July 28th, 2010 at 2:27 am
Ouch.
Tons of issues here, any one of which is a bucketful, isn’t it?
Do you have a salable skill?
Can you support yourself?
Do you have a battery of great girl friends, and a support group?
Are you in counseling?
You have been “in the stew” a long time hon. Likely you don’t even know who you are, or what your limits are. And for sure, you don’t have a marriage any normal women would want.
50 is not old. Your problem is that you will be entering society with life skills you had 25 years ago. And those life skills may not serve you well today.
And women stay in these marriages, because “The Devil in the house is better known than the Devil outside the door.” At least your “marriage” is predictable, isn’t it? (bad).
To leave with no plan, is a mistake. To leave without a ton of cash, is as well, a mistake.
Lots of women who leave make sure they have a plan, and a support group. In the final analysis women leave, because anything is better than where they are… it’s a push, pull thing…. You have to find the things that are worth the pull, to get out of this marriage.
When you are at the emotional place, that “I just cannot stay HERE any longer” you will formulate a plan to leave.
July 28th, 2010 at 2:43 am
Well done to you for bieng sober you now see life better for you
You are fighting demons at the moment
You need a fresh start you cannot be with someone who drinks
and takes drugs full stop you must have a fresh start
with people who are not going to pressure you into doing this ??
You must move and make a fresh start for yourself leave your past behind you